Saturday, January 17, 2009

The New Year...

Just getting off a plane now. Heaps of things have happened since I boarded the plane and they all hit me in the face as I got off it. Like running into a glass door. Whilst visiting family overseas I realised some things about myself. These would include a) That I'm actually proud to be a part of three different cultures, b) Most of my cousins have accents, c) I'm starting to gain an accent, d) I find it easier to understand other languages, e) I'm thought of as "Beautiful" in my family's culture, f)I'm so in love with the actor "Shahid Kapoor" that I actually, literally got a nosebleed after watching one of his movies, g)I'm totally in love with Joe Jonas and the list goes on and on, however, the one most important thing I realised is that I think I'm over Zac. Even if I'm really not and the absence made me think of things other than him, I don't care anymore. I'm just going to live life, which is something that I haven't been doing for the past 6 months. But the moment I walked into my family's little house in that little village, I felt like myself again. There was no more pressure, none of the bad feelings I felt whilst I was still in Manhattan followed me to there.

For a while I thought about giving up, moving to a different school, faraway as my plan has always been. I used to think of studying faraway from home as a thing to do to meet new people and try new things but nowadays I think of it as a way to run away from my problems and start a new life without the drama's of living in a high end area where you must look perfect at all times.

However, this year I'll live it up because it's our last year together and everyone will be going their seperate ways next year which is why we must make the most of it. James and I are thinking of competing with Jemima Goldstein (The girl who thinks she's so smart) for the school dux.

Kayla Mayfair has actually become nice to me and I don't care about the likes of Carmen Dover. If she wants Zac, she can have him. I guess that after watching the movie "Jab We Met" and falling in love with Shahid Kapoor and Joe Jonas, I have a new outlook on life. The year's only just begun but I have a feeling that this will be the best. Just like the waves on the ocean coming forward and going back are precious memories, creating them, then looking at them, the past and present. I'm going to live life properly now.

I'll probably just tell Zac loud and proud that I used to like him. It's ok because I'm learning to love myself as opposed to continuing hating myself.

Slowly turning over a new leaf,
Alice

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