The Side Stories of A. Marcellus #11

It's been a month and no-one has made a post. I feel obligated to post now.

Well, here's what you missed out on:

• I had a birthday outing.
• I failed in EPIC proportions.
• I had a (PG 13+) dream featuring a teacher, Jeff Goldblum and me for some reason with a devil tail and horns.
• I sewed another doll.
• I got my brother into guitar playing as a hobbie. (My parents probably love me for it.)
• I slept alot.
• I got Poke'mon Soul Silver.
• I continuously recalled another dream I had with a rating of M. (There were shirtless guys involved, but everyone kept their pants on.)

That's about it. No sarcastic analysis and criticism of events that occur in my day-to-day life this time. Maybe I'll elaborate on my dreams another time.

Bye,

Miss A. Marcellus

After a long, summer nights dream.

Economics is controlled by choices.
Our lives are controlled by choices.
So why is it that every choice we make is wrong?
Why is it that each choice, each decision leads to a different path, a different journey? Unsure of whether you'll stumble or you'll take the lead valiantly, unknowing of the future and the result.

Economics is said to be the study of "wants", but how can we be so sure about what we want? Why is it that when you want something, someone, it just so happens that they can't be yours. Why is it that in life, when you want something, you can never have it, then you have to compensate for it by having a replacement. Something that you don't want as much as the original, but it still temporarily fills the void of longing. Why do we even bother finding a replacement if we can't have the original? It'll never make you as happy as the original would so, why? Maybe the answer is that we don't want to disappoint our family and friends. Maybe we want to hide from them, our true feelings, our REAL wants. So you put on a brave face and settle for less than your standards.

What's the point of longing for something when you'll never get it? And if you do eventually get it, will you still want it as much as you originally did?
Those who wait forever, sure, their feelings will always stay the same, however, the wait can turn out to be a waste of time. How long will it take until they realise you're the one? Why is it that Karmic Synergy guides you to a place, guides you to a person, but doesn't guide you in what to say or do?

Many oppotunities missed, so many wasted. Not knowing how or why, but knowing they're the one. Why is it like that?
You find someone, but they serve a different purpose, one of life lessons. But you meet someone else and you're suddenly drawn to them. Strong attraction. Rapid heartbeats. Inability to comprehend. Confused feelings. Interesting conversations. Long talks. Awkward situations.
Why do we endure it all? All this in the hope that this time, Karmic Synergy pulled you to that direction, not for a life lesson, but for a life journey. Moving forwards, not backwards.
Why do you get disappointed easily?
Why is it that when you try to stay away, you keep getting pulled back? Like magnets.
Trying to stay in the safe zone, suddenly got dangerous.
Why is it that all of these harmless, normal personality traits have got you shaking at the knees?
Every smile warms you cold, dead heart. Acknowledgement as opposed to ignorance has become a new habit.

Waking up for a brand new day gets easier and easier. You're left sitting there, hoping they'd sit near you. But you only have ten minutes of pure bliss before everything gets awkward. Introductions into conversations are confusing and awkward but it brings you closer together. Karmic synergy just guides you, but your choices are what controls you.

Ann3a.
(Yes, I did change my name)

The Side Stories of A. Marcellus #10 - The 'L' Word

#10 Entry in '10. Cool coincidence.

Hello little internet blog. I would've made a monthly post for January but I was overseas (I thoroughly enjoyed myself).

Well, it's been the start of the first year of senior high school. Things are very different than before. More freedoms, more work and more effort needed to keep up with friends. Thank goodness for facebook. :) Every New Year, people make resolutions, "I will get promoted." "I'll lose weight." "I'll earn more money." "I will get a boyfriend/girlfriend." "I'll finally propose.", but I don't. Upon all my flaws, how can I possibly choose one more important than the rest to dedicate to solving by the end of the year? This year I thought my resolution should be to preserve what I have instead of changing it. SO, my 'New Year's Resolution' is to maintain my friendships I had from last year. Wish me luck! :)

With Valentine's Day coming up I might as well talk about that. I was out shopping on Sunday and as I waited by the register for my turn to pay. As looked at the shelve full of impulse buys (candy bars and magazines) I glanced across and noticed a handsome young man looking at me. At first I thought nothing of it, but then I had the urge to look back. I tried to figure out something. I just couldn't put my finger on it. Then it clicked. I was almost certain I knew him. The features I remembered felt vague and faint, I thought it must be someone from a long time ago. Do you remember "Bill Clifford*"? He looked just like him. But I thought to myself, "What if it isn't him? What if he's a look alike? Is this a random stranger checking me out? Why am I soo hideous that I draw attention?" By the end of all this second guessing, the brief moment with Bill (?) was over. I had continued on and paid for my goods. I swiftly returned home thereafter. My obsessive nature caused me to ponder on it. Thinking away, trying to remember their face to see if it really was them. All too afraid to simply ask.

These words kept coming to mind: Love? Loneliness? Am I so lonely that I'll attach myself to any man to grace me with their presence? Or do I genuinely feel... that?

I sat around pondering my own thoughts and feelings then I remembered an important detail.

My mother was buying cheap 50c post-Christmas Chocolates. In February. So, I will sit here before you and swear that it doesn't matter if it was love or loneliness. The matter of the fact is, I've been embarrassed before WHOEVER that was. Bill or not. They'd definitely never date me (at least not NOW).

By the way, she didn't even end up buying those damn chocolates.

Spread love like it's butter,

Miss A. Marcellus

*Bill Clifford is a fake name used to protect the privacy of the author and characters in question. Any similarities are PURELY coincidental.